I Rock Cleveland's Guide to Rock Superlatives

In the course of reading IRockCleveland.com you will come across many superlatives describing how a certain band, single, or album rocks. For example, Ladyhawk rocks, Mission of Burma rocks so f'n hard, or Slilversun Pickups rocks my socks off. And I'm sure you've wondered, "Is it better to rock so f*ckin hard, or to rock someone's socks off?" Wonder no more. Here is your handy guide to rock superlatives. Rocks - This is the basic superlative. If something rocks, it has enough of the key ingredients of bass, guitars, drums, riffs, hooks, and melody to illicit a reaction from the listener. F'N Rocks - Something that does more than rock. It achieves the basic elements of rockness and excels in one or more of the previous qualities. Rocks Hard - Similar in stature to F'N Rocks. These two phrases can be interchangeable. By using all caps for ROCKS you can emphasize the rock. Similarly, by using all caps for HARD you can emphasize the hardness. Rocks So F'N Hard - Better than rocks, rocks hard, and f'n rocks. Rocks So F'N hard is one the highest compliments you can give to something that rocks. Writing this phrase in all caps should only be done in the rarest of circumstances. If you use the phrase ROCKS SO F'N HARD too often, you will run the risk of trivializing its power. Rocks My Socks Off - Taken literally, this expression means that if you were wearing socks that there is a high degree of likelihood that you will be missing your socks as a result of hearing a piece of rock music. Rocks My Lame A** - Rocks in such a manner that you (the listener) feel unworthy at being a part of such a display of rock. This phrase was popularized by a band by the name of Hagfish in the nineties. I cannot tell you whether Hagfish would or would not rock your lame ass. I have since co-opted this phrase as my own. Rocks My Rock and Roll Soul - This expression is used when something rocks, but you do not understand why it rocks. The answer is simple. The rock bypassed your brain and connected directly with your rock and roll soul. Rocks With All Due Hardness - Is not a mere slogan, it's a way of life. Every day and every moment is dedicated to rock. It's not about the size of your amp or the speed of your metal. It's about being true to yourself and true to your rock. If you think the Black Angels are the epitome of modern day rock, then rock it, and rock it with all due hardness. Similarly, if you're stuck in the seventies and consider Zeppelin or Sabbath the epitome of rock, by all means rock it, and rock it the best you can.